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Company launches vagina-flavored chips so millennials can get laid more

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It’s the perfect gift for millennials who lack a lot of “Lays.”

If they can’t get it in the sack, they can get it in the snack. A chip company that purports to cater to sex-starved 30-somethings boasts a new flavor that supposedly tastes like a woman’s vajayjay.

“After tasting it, you will remember your wildest love adventures, your first real love, and maybe even lose your oral virginity,” reps for Chazz, the Lithuania-based creators of the private-parroting potato chips, claim on their site.

Dubbed “p—y-flavored potato chips,” the kinky creations are inspired by a purported generation-wide sex drought among millennials, who allegedly prefer perusing social media to getting saucy in the sack.

“According to several past years research data around the world, millennials are having 3 times less sex than their parents at the same age,” Chazz claimed of Generation Y’s alleged involuntary celibacy trend, per Jam Press. “It is unbelievable that someone is choosing social media instead of live communication, dating and real sex.”

This comes despite recent studies showing that millennials have better, freakier sex than previous generations.

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Nonetheless, Chazz wanted to replicate sex in snack form for millennials, like an X-rated version of Willy Wonka’s Three Course Dinner Chewing Gum. The chip bags, which run around $9 each, are even emblazoned with the slogan “lose your virginity with Chazz.”

In order to condense the sexperience into 2-D chip form, Chazz reportedly “selected the five bravest and most experienced team members (boys and girls)” and sent them on individual missions to gather the most private part-approximating flavors.

“At the same time, other colleagues were Googling in forums, comments and found dozens of opinions from different countries what the p—y taste associates with,” the food pornographers wrote of their raunchy recon mission. “After summing up the results, agreeing on all the essential sensations of this taste and additional notes, we formed the task and sent it to the three huge EU manufacturers of spices.”

Chazz then whittled down the resultant dozens of samples into a few that best approximated the flavor of love. Finally, the fast food firm adjusted the ingredient levels to “reflect this taste as close as possible,” per the site. Voila, millennials could allegedly finally lose their V-card culinarily.

The NSFW noshes — which only use real ingredients (to spice up your sex life?) — are apparently not just for sex-deprived millennials. The site describes the frisky frankenfood as a “great GIFT for the one you love, cause to initiate a romantic evening, or just simple delight for your taste buds and fun chat about sex.”

“P.S. For girls and women: if this or previous year you were pleased by someone, it is very likely that you have directly contributed to the creation of this taste,” Chazz quipped on the site.

As of yet, the chips — which are currently only distributed in Europe — are sold out, but they should be getting a new batch at the end of the month, per the site.

Chazz isn’t the first chip company to try and replicate a bizarre essence. In 2018, bosses at Doritos have revealed they were launching a new “lady-friendly” version of the snack which are quieter to eat and a lot less messy.

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4 responses to “Company launches vagina-flavored chips so millennials can get laid more”

  1. Why is this news! There’s more words here printed about this non article than all of the murders on the island this year alone. Go find something real to report, like what’s happening about the killing of Tyrone & Pia Baptiste! RIP x

  2. What a disgusting name for any product. Our young people need advice about how to keep themselves pure not how many times they can get laid by whosoever will.
    DISGUSTING.

  3. THIS IS TOTALLY SLACKNESS, AND BRAINWASHING FOR LITTLE CHILDREN,I HOPE THIS DOESN’T GET OUT ON THE MARKET, BECAUSE THIS WILL INTRODUCE CHILDREN TO SEXUAL ACTIVITIES IN A DIFFERENT FROM…

REQUEST FOR EXPRESSIONS OF INTEREST

(CONSULTING SERVICES – INDIVIDUAL SELECTION)

 

OECS MSME Guarantee Facility Project

Loan No.: IDA-62670, IDA-62660, IDA-62640, IBRD-88830, IDA-62650

Assignment Title: Senior Operating Officer (SOO)

Reference No. KN-ECPCGC-207852-CS-INDV

 

The Governments of Antigua and Barbuda, Commonwealth of Dominica, Grenada, St. Lucia and St. Vincent and the Grenadines have received financing in the amount of US$10 million equivalent from the World Bank towards the cost of establishing a partial credit guarantee scheme, and they intend to apply part of the proceeds to payments for goods, and consulting services to be procured under this project. 

The consultant will serve as the “Senior Operating Officer (SOO)” for the ECPCGC and should possess extensive knowledge of MSME lending with some direct experience lending to Micro, small and medium-sized businesses, knowledge of the internal control processes necessary for a lending operation and the ability to design and implement risk mitigation procedures. The ideal candidate should possess an Undergraduate Degree from a reputable college or university, preferably in Business, Accounting, Banking or related field, with a minimum of 5 years’ experience in lending, inclusive of MSME lending. The initial employment period will be for two years on a contractual basis. Renewal of the contract will be subject to a performance evaluation at the end of the contractual period. The assignment is expected to begin on September 30th, 2021.  The consultant will report directly to the Chief Executive Officer of the ECPCGC.

The detailed Terms of Reference (TOR) for the assignment can be viewed by following the attached link below. 

 

https://bit.ly/3iVannm

 

The Eastern Caribbean Partial Credit Guarantee Corporation (ECPCGC) now invites eligible “Consultants” to indicate their interest in providing the Services. Interested Consultants should provide information demonstrating that they have:

  • An Undergraduate Degree from a reputable college or university, preferably in Business, Finance, Banking or related field; and
  • Minimum of 5 years’ experience in MSME lending. Applicants should also have:
  • The ability to design and implement risk management procedures 
  • Extensive knowledge of MSME lending with some direct experience lending to small and medium-sized businesses
  • Extensive knowledge of MSME banking operations
  • Knowledge of the internal controls necessary for a lending operation and the ability to design and implement risk management procedures
  • Experience developing and presenting information in public, including responding to questions in real-time
  • Experience lending to MSMEs located in the ECCU
  • Knowledge of marketing and communicating with the MSME sector
  • Ability to draft procedures to be used in a lending operation
  • Familiarity with the mechanics of a loan guarantee program
  • Exceptional written, oral, interpersonal, and presentation skills, and
  • Proficiency in the use of Microsoft Office suite.

The attention of interested Individual Consultants is drawn to Section III, Paragraphs 3.14, 3.16, and 3.17 of the World Bank’s Procurement Regulations for IPF Borrowers July 2016, [revised November 2017] (“Procurement Regulations”), setting forth the World Bank’s policy on conflict of interest. A Consultant will be selected in accordance with the Approved Selection Method for Individual Consultants set out in the clause 7.34 of the World Bank Procurement Regulations for IPF Borrowers. 

 

Further information can be obtained at the address below during office hours 0800 to 1700 hours:

Eastern Caribbean Partial Credit Guarantee Corporation

Brid Rock, Basseterre,

St. Kitts.

Expressions of interest must be delivered in a written form by e-mail by August 11th, 2021, to [email protected]

 

For further information, please contact:

Carmen Gomez-Trigg                                                            Bernard Thomas

Chief Executive Officer                                                          Chief Financial Officer

Tel: 868-620-8144                                                                  Tel: 869-765-2385

Email: [email protected]                                          [email protected]